Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Always feel so happy (or perhaps, fulfilled is the better word) after organ lesson, even when I'm so tired before! I've absolutely no regrets for picking it up. So grateful to Kevin :)

Mama's over today! Glad she decided to come today instead of tomorrow, so I get a glimpse of her at least. What sort of elder would I be like? Watching her and how she lives, I feel a bit sad...for the loneliness even when people are all around her; for the lack of very concrete meaning in life. Material things no longer matter - a pretty waterbottle or a nice bag are really the least of her worries. Nice clothes are but temporary ways to cheer her up. We talk to her, but I want to tell her so much more. I wish she would understand, but there're so many things in the way, not least the communication barrier. If anything, I will prize education for its ability to help us connect so much more deeply with others. Still, I love Mama and I will be so devastated when I have to say goodbye one day.

I don't want to be an old person. I don't want to live in constant fear of losing my husband, in fear of losing my friends.

@8.30pm
Sunday, August 21, 2011

I feel like I don’t even have the time to think about anything else right now. My mind is now filled with big plans; lofty ambitions. I find myself seriously considering what I can do to change the world, starting from a lowly thesis. Hahaha. I don’t know if I’m letting my hopes get too high right now. I know too that I can’t just be content to speculate on such a theoretical level without getting to know the realities on the ground. Every reading and lecture seems to be supporting me in some way, and I feel my knowledge base building up bit by bit…

The reading on welfare states really set me thinking. The deliberate selection of each chapter in our social studies textbooks… the failure of the welfare state in Britain, the Catholic-Protestant riots in Ireland… my goodness. So calculated; so manipulative, if I could put it that way. But why? Is it, like what Nick seems to believe, really a conspiracy theory? I wouldn’t really go that far, to be honest. It could just be a case of not wanting to explain rationale or higher ideals to people whom they didn’t think would understand. I can empathise with that. Still, that’s going to have to change soon. Times are changing. The people are becoming more and more educated.

Can’t wait to find out more about Titmuss. He sounds like a fantastic figure with fantastic philosophies and a love for people which manifested itself in his desire to bring about social justice through policy. Wow.

Hot spiced tea to keep me going through the night!

Hmm. I love my Daddy so much!

@10.12pm