Friday, September 10, 2010

"It all boils down to pride."

That was the casual comment made by a new friend to sum up today's Theology of the Body seminar - that it all boils down to the pride on the part of parents. The fear of being embarrassed or being rejected by their teenagers when they approach them to talk about what it means to be male and female, and how sex figures in the greater plan of ultimate union with the one who first loved us.. all of that boils down to our own pride. I thought his comment made good sense.

And it set me thinking a little bit more, especially after the self-reflection yetserday. It's very interesting how pride manifests itself in different aspects of life. I tended to see it as something general.. If you're proud, you're proud. You're just arrogant. You don't show humility in any aspect of your life. But that was far too simplistic a view, and I was proven wrong by my own example..

It's difficult, looking at myself like that. With disgust for that sinfulness, disdain for that fear. Fear of losing. Fear of looking anything short of intelligent. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of being singled out and proven wrong. For claiming to be humble enough, just because I don't exhibit pride in certain circumstances. It has been humbling indeed, catching myself repeatedly judging, imposing, disbelieving. All in the name of preserving my own pride.

@8.08pm
Thursday, September 09, 2010

Hello blog :) it's been a while.

It's really frightening how quickly time has been passing ever since the beginning of this semester. It feels as if my mind is struggling to catch up with the happenings of life and that the best I can do is to watch myself from a far off distance as I carry out the mundane tasks of eating and sleeping and talking and studying. Nonetheless I feel rather motivated to do something about this. I'm going to strike off everything on my to-do list before you know it.

@4.20pm