Friday, May 21, 2010

TGIF.

Day started off and ended off very pleasantly. As I was on the way to work on 970, the roads were jammed and my bus was stationary at many points. It stopped opposite the Bukit Timah market and I looked out at the bus stop.. And spotted Mummy! Hahaha. I was so happy to see her. She didn't see me though. I knocked on the bus window and wavedddd but she still didn't catch my eye. Until her head slowly turned... And when she caught sight of me, her eyes totally brightened up and we began communciating via sign language and by lip-reading hahahaha.

"You're not eating breakfast?"
"Nope on the way to work already! But I'll be coming home for dinner!"
"Aww. You're coming home for dinner? :)"
"Yeah! Are your bags very heavy?"
"No it's okay. Are you going to be late for work?"
"No I can make it on time! :)"
"Mummy's very happy to see you."
"Me too!"

And then the bus started moving and we waved goodbye. I really was happy to see my Mummy :)

The in-between wasn't fantastic. I almost completed the backdrop for the "photoshoot" on Monday, and then got a couple of cases from Ivan. I was happy (been waiting for some time to get active cases), but then the nervousness kicked in. And it got bad. Almost broke down at work though there wasn't anything very pressing.. I just suddenly felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by nothing but my quest for perfection. Yeah I think it's getting more and more obvious. That's what's making me react the way I do to new situations. Thank goodness for Joyce.. In spite of her very very busy day she spent some time accompanying me and showing me that things were most definitely not as bad as my reaction made it seem. And it worked.. So grateful :)

The rest of the day was spent trying to calm myself further and on one of the two assigned cases. I called the first client but she didn't pick up, so I thought I could get away.. But after telling Ivan about it he suggested a home visit at the end of the day, so I agreed to it. For the next two hours I came up with a detailed plan, thinking that we would be having the session with her. But it turned out to be a visit to arrange for an appointment with her next week.. Waited pretty long for him to come out of his meeting with Agnes, too. By the time we left it was 6.45pm, I think. 1 hour and 15 minutes later than our agreed upon time.

But I had no regrets! It was great talking to him on the way. I'd half-expected it to be awkward.. always feel as if there's ice to break. Started out discussing about work and how I'm doing.. Man, sometimes I really feel like I'm being counselled by him, and it's pretty darn effective. He reframes situations so well, and adding on a touch of personal experience seals the deal. I can't help but accept it. And it's great. It makes work more enjoyable, and not simply bearable. I can even see saikung as a pleasant learning experience now.. hahaha.

Somehow the conversation steered towards Catholicism (is Pepsi giving you too much work? --> elderly people --> Mandarin --> language spoken at home --> grandparents --> advanced age --> are they believers?) and I shared a little bit about the sacraments.. Confirmation in particular. It was quite exciting but I felt a little inadequate, like I totally wasn't doing justice to the awesomeness of our sacraments. He went on to speak about his own background and shared about his journey with God. I'm rather impressed. He's definitely one who walks closely with the Lord. On the way back to the bus stop he also spoke of his life as a social worker, about how everything fit into place, and went on to put his very recent promotion into perspective. It was really nice finding out about him for a change. Looking forward to more faith-related chats with him.

@10.02pm
Monday, May 17, 2010

Today, Ivan and I had our second supervision session! I’d passed him the agenda on Thursday evening. I was kinda afraid that I wouldn’t be able to elaborate or articulate my thoughts coherently and wanted to get up early to sort them out and further think about what I wanted to ask or comment on. Unfortunately the Z-monster was too powerful (as always), and I failed to get up on time. Miraculously I was 5 minutes early for the placement seminar, though. It went well.. Time was mainly spent on sharing of experiences and finding out about our learning styles and whether or not they fit with our supervisor’s. Cool stuff.

I thought it started off really well! The seating arrangement was much more comfortable than last time and it was way easier to maintain eye contact. Hahaa. He checked up on how my weekend and day went and I made sure I asked back this time :) that was nice, thought it broke the ice rather well. Before the session I was still telling Joyce that I would be afraid it would be overly formal, as I was still having difficulty getting past that formal element of the supervisor-supervisee relationship. The session really proved my fears unfounded :)

As guided by the agenda, we went through some discussion of theoretical orientations and philosophical approaches. I thought that this part would bore Ivan to death HAHA but oh man I was so happy at how receptive and open he was! He also shared so much more from his own experiences today! :) I loved that there was an exchange of ideas and not one-sided feeding (either way wouldn’t be good). It was an awesome feeling, being able to learn more about SFBT and to share about narrative therapy. He also made reference to a study which showed that rapport was a more important factor in determining outcome than theory and external circumstances. Though having a theory (rather than none) made a lot of difference, too.

Really appreciated the challenging questions and ‘tests’ he posed at various points in the session. He made me struggle to recall what I learnt two semesters ago about SFBT and added on to my answer. My understanding of the SPMF scheme was also tested. Further, when I asked about whether he used any particular theoretical orientation for the session with Mdm O and Mr H, he reflected the question back at me. That was a cool move. Hahaha. I really liked having to think like that. Interestingly, he changed my perception of SFBT as well. I’d always seen it as a rather slipshod type of therapy so to speak, as my impression was that the root problems of the clients are not dealt with at all so as to save time and bring about results more quickly. But he clarified some of the misunderstandings, and now I’m actually quite intrigued! SFBT also has some features that are similar to reauthoring and exception-seeking, both of which are central to narrative therapy as well. The view that stuckness may blind clients to resources and strengths also struck a familiar chord. Very interesting! This could mean that some theories may actually be other theories, just reworded. Or that there are many overlaps between different theories. Sounds plausible huh. Will find some time to read up :) awesomenesssss. “Interviewing with Solutions”, I believe.

We proceeded to go through Mdm O and Mr Ho’s case. It felt good to be able to process the session in the third-person. I liked being prepared to share my views, and Ivan did not hesitate to promote learning by explaining every last detail and going through every point meticulously. Wow right. Very happy that I finally know what ‘assessment’ is supposed to mean. Such a vague term, but teachers expect us to know what exactly is required :| so excited to apply what I learnt to Mdm Z’s case :D His readiness to accept my perspectives and treat me like an adult made me feel at ease and I very naturally gained more confidence to verbalise my thoughts. I’m so much more assured now that I can talk to him or ask about anything under the SW sun.. Silly or serious fears, small details or larger issues.. Very comforting indeed! :)

Settled a few other things and got him to look at the questions I’d come up with on Friday, and then showed him the reading with the learning styles bit and Kolb’s learning circle, which Dr Briscoe introduced to us this morning! I shared about why I thought I tended towards cognitive-planning, with action right at the end, and he said that he’s also the type who plans a lot beforehand. On top of that, he executes his plans in a step-by-step manner, a style which I’ve found very useful for pacing me in the past week. I’m so very blessed! :) thinking back to the not-so-happy tales of poor fit which other students brought up during placement seminar made me appreciate this even more. Hope this keeps up! :)

One thing which I’m still reflecting on right now involves Ivan’s bringing up of my expectations of myself a couple of times. We spoke about possible reasons behind my nervousness and he asked whether that could have to do with my own expectations.. It was very nice of him to assure me that all this is part and parcel of an internship. He reframed it and enabled me to see it more positively, even drawing on his own experience as an intern himself. :) so reassuring. He caught me using the word ‘fail’ and highlighted it to me.. Which makes me think: failure to do what? To do everything perfectly? Why did the word slip out like that? I wasn’t aware before he’d brought it up. I guess it ultimately boils down to the same problem again.

All in all, it was such an awesome session! Feel like I’m learning so so much.. About the agency, about social work practice.. Even about the things I’ll have to overcome and learn to embrace as I walk the path towards becoming a full-fledged social worker. Such a refreshing and re-energising start to the week (though it seems like I’m gonna have to come up with new to-do lists.). I’m secretly happy that messing up the dates for upcoming supervision sessions means there’ll be an extra one next Monday. HAHA. :D


@10.50pm