Friday, May 14, 2010

13 hours of sleep. Hahaaha. Well-deserved, I think. :D Poor sis is still sleeping. First night shift of two this week. Two in a row. :(

Friday was spent editing one of the case progress reports which I'd already completed and reading through the files of three others so I could think of questions to ask the clients before going through it with Ivan. (I still feel a little weird addressing him by his first name.) Looking through the files made me realise how long-winded my reports and writing style is.. Point to note. Just working in an air-conditioned office for ONE week has made my hands scaley and dry argh :(

After lunch I finally joined Joyce for the Youth programme from 2.30-5pm! Hahaa gosh it was so so awkward in the beginning. I didn't know what to do or say, and she helped introduce me to the youths. It was just a few of them actually. I found myself behaving in a manner such that I wouldn't be disliked. That behaviour disgusted me.. I just wanted to just escape and go back to my casework. Gradually things got better because we started playing foosball. It was quite addictive (and violent hahaha) and just like that I spent 2 hours or so getting a lot better at foosball. We didn't even have to tutor them because their exams just ended and Ben decided to give them a break. Once the minimal comfort level was achieved I found myself more social work oriented in my thoughts. I noted the reactions of the youth as they were playing, and what got them going. Narrative therapy seemed a viable option. How exciting! Just the thought makes my heart beat faster. I'd love to speak to someone about my ideas :)

On the way home I was continually thinking of my two biggest loves - DG and SW. hahahha. I was so filled with joy and pride and gratitude, for He has been so good to me. I thought of our future, of my future career, of the work that I'm doing now. I don't know how I'd be doing if I were an Economics major today. But one thing's for sure - I wouldn't be as happy and fulfilled as I am right now.

Okay.. time to run! :D

@1.01pm
Thursday, May 13, 2010

Got to try out filling out two I&R forms and casework referral! So exciting. Glad Ivan let me try it out. Or I just know that I'd fumble when the time comes for me to start on proper casework. He's given me three cases to work on while he's away tomorrow! Sounds quite exciting, a variety of different cases. :) Shall be reading up tomorrow. It will be a no-supervisors day tomorrow and Joyce and I plan to party HAHA. To the limited extent which we're constrained by at least, since the office can be reallyy quiet when everyone's hard at work. Buying milk-pan for her to try tomorrow. I plan to convert another soul to Provence-ism. HAHA. Holland V's just 2-3 stops away afterall.

The "elderly meeting" which was planned by them was such a sweet gesture of welcome. They tried to surprise us but they were so faiill that we could see right through it even before we entered the room hahaha :D Pepsi didn't even bother hiding the surprise from us HAHA. Cute la. And what a cute name. I like it that quite a bit of ice broken during the welcome tea, though there was no lack of awkward silences and moments of embarrassment. Was afraid that I was talking too much though. Patricia, the new admin staff member, was so quiet, and I felt quite bad about that!

Wheeee I like that social workers get to move around and not simply stay in the office waiting for clients to come to us. I like Care Corner :) during the tea they were joking about future prospects to automatically change the interns' status to 'volunteer'. Haha I would seriously consider that though :D mayybbbeee I'll take a sem off if/when Daryl goes for exchange... :)

@10.52pm
Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I've never heard of p&w in mandarin before. It was interesting trying to talk to Jesus in mandarin. Unprecedented. I guess I always assumed that He heard me in English. And that He would speak to me in English, too. I was extremely pleasantly surprised to find that all the other songs were familiar.. In His Time and In Moments Like These were particularly noteworthy. Awesome awesome songs... :)

TG's sharing was pretty exciting to listen to. Yes, let go, let God. My mind wandered a little as I was listening to him. How difficult it is to convert hearts! Our poor, yearning, lonely souls reach out for intimacy and closeness.. And if we find even the slightest semblance of fulfilment, we hold on so tightly we don't want to let go. Not even if it's irrational. Even economists have begun to acknowledge the arguably inherent irrationality of human beings. Yet the beauty of the faith is in how it is based on both faith and reason. Not one contradiction can be found in all that complexity. Evidence of divine intervention? Undoubtedly.

Lye Fei reminds me of a Hong Kong drama actor. Rather cool and down-to-earth CEO. And I like Daniel, one of the old social workers who really reminds me of Mr Tai. I miss Mr Tai. Daniel came over to where we were sitting for a little while during lunch and spoke to Abby.. he has a really pleasant demeanour which was remarkably similar to Mr Tai's.. I had to look harder to ascertain that it wasn't really him. sigh. Joyce said something interesting when we were talking about her interest in youth! She said I have the 'elderly face'. That I'd probably like working with old people. I don't disagree one bit that I feel particularly for them, but I also admitted to her that I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to communicate fully with them. It set me thinking, though.

Lunch was surprisingly good and the milky dessert was yumm! Ivan and Jean hid away in a room with Agnes for their lunch. So secretive! Both of us think that they were talking about us. HAHA. Headed back to office with Janice, Edmund, and Joyce. EDMUND'S 30 YEARS OLD OMG. I'd bet people would believe him if he said he was 16 :| GOSH! hahaha. It was nice getting to know him on the way back. He's very easy to talk to. Provided lots of helpful advice to Joyce too!

***

Nervewrecking. I wasn't even doing particularly difficult tasks but I was so nervous :| it was just a simple fax and getting the successful fax notice. Arghh but I was already so afraid that it didn't go through, that i forgot something.. and I wrote her name wrongly, missed out 'bte' and an apostrophe. :| gosh. Not having Malay and Indian friends around has certainly begun to take its toll.

Now it seems like this anxiety is a recurring pattern. I reacted this way when I first started playing for mass, and for p&w. And when I took my first few calls at CPF. It doesn't even go away even if I practise really hard or am confident that I'm doing a good job simulating a real situation. GOSH I do want to meet real clients but I'm gonna have to overcome this "nervous energy" stage first. Ahhhh. Thank goodness for supportive colleagues and Joyce. I don't like disturbing them too often though, if I can help it.. sigh.

***

The initial ecstacy has given way to a good reality check. I'm feeling a lot more tired today as compared to yesterday and monday. Joyce says its cos of the terrible tiring bus ride back to work from corporate devotion hahaha. I think it's because of the stress that I caused myself by fretting over the details. I've got to work this out somehow. Called Daryl and told him about my day, and he told me about his. Mentioned my concerns and he assured me that it was alright.. It made me feel a lot better to know that even he (the capable Daryl Gomes!) felt the same way when he first started out in army. Glad to hear he is learning lots at work with Uncle Peter too.

As I was stoning on 970 I noticed an Indian baby in front of me, in the arms of her mother. And I wondered: what is it which defines us as Chinese, Malay, Indian...? Skin colour differs, yes; so do features which are particular to ethnicity. Culture seems to play a part too.. But it wasn't a satisfactory answer. Human beings have an inexplicable and slightly sadistic tendency towards divisiveness. Why is this so? Why do we categorise compulsively? Why do we say that my major's better than yours, that my faculty kicks ass, that NUS is more of a university than SMU, that foreign workers don't belong, that Singapore is the hub of Southeast Asia, that Asians are not inferior to Europeans.....

Playing the piano for the first time in a couple of weeks (I've neglected you for Mr Guitar! Please understand!) was great. Mum took a hymnal and sang along to In His Time and In Moments Like These :) I love that. My family is the awesomest. We went for mass together because it's the solemnity of the Ascension of Jesus into heaven today.. Day of obligation. When I stepped into church I felt such a nice wave of relief and comfort. I felt like I was resting. And there was no wariness about whether or not what I was going to hear could be incongruent with the faith. Unfortunately I found it so difficult to keep thoughts about social work out. I even began thinking about thinking. Meta-thinking. But as always, the Eucharist was so comforting. Mass is truly heaven on earth. The closest we'll ever get to it on earth. So happy to be Catholic. It's great to be in an environment where people openly talk about Christianity and pray for each other. :)

@11.29pm
Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Tell me which other profession pays you to become a better person, to find out more about your faith, to exercise (YESSS we get 45 minutes off weekly to run if we want), and to brush up on terrible command of language for the sake of others (specifically Chinese). Falling for social work wheeeeeee (don't be jealous!)!

Had such an awesome evening out with you. I'm glad your first day of work went reasonably well too! Looking forward to more dinners together :):):):)

Off to bed, early breakfast at Toa Payoh Macs with colleagues!!

@11.35pm
Monday, May 10, 2010

WHEEEE AWESOME FIRST DAY :D

hahahaha omg I would never have guessed that today would turn out so good. I couldn't quite sleep last night - woke up at almost every hour for fear that I would oversleep - and arrived wayy too early.. Spent part of that spare half an hour writing my first journal entry, jotting down my thoughts and personal objectives just in case anxiety served to erase them from my retrievable memory later on.

Ivan was funny and friendly, and my initial apprehension dissipated as he said hi (I told him I arrived at 9.50am by mistake. way to go first impression.) I sat down and read a little while waiting for the other intern to arrive so that we could be brought on a tour around the office. And it turned out to be Joyce, a fellow module mate! So happy to see her, though we never really talked to each other when we were in the same class. The tour was cool - rooms were named after the different names of God. How cool is that, seriously. AND the whole place was on the rooftop. In the middle of a pretty garden! awesomenesssss.

I had my first supervision session at noon and Ivan took me through the upcoming projects and things that I could look forward to. I'll probably get my first case later this week (what if it's tomorrow! Greg had to go on a home visit today! Joyce got her first case today too! ah!), and will subsequently be attached to various programmes. Elderly, youth and children, family violence etc.. Joyce and I will also be undertaking a project involving a community walk around the Queenstown estate. Not to mention cycling trips with the youth, a visit to Family Court to observe a court hearing, various chances to observe Ivan taking his cases.. OMG SO EXCITED i'm going to explode HAHA.

To top all this off, the Christian nature of the FSC never failed to show through. The CEO of the whole chain of Care Corner agencies actually came down at 4.30pm for devotion with us. It turned out to be a Praise and Worship session (we sang Amazing Love and This is our God AHHH) and Bible sharing! hahaha and apparently this is is a weekly thing, too :) he actually makes the effort to go down to all the FSCs to do this weekly devotion with them! Plus, a corporate devotion session will be held every other month, and allll the employees from all the FSCs will gather for it. HOW AWESOME IS THAT. It was really heartening for me.. All of a sudden everyone suddenly became equal in a sense - all children of God, making time for Him in the midst of work. And supervisors, senior social workers, CEOs.. all of them allowed themselves to be vulnerable to everyone else through the sharing of their own lives and their experiences. The session was wrapped up with intercessory, and we even broke up into preset prayer buddy groups.. GOSH. It was fantastic. Fantastic. I'm looking forward to work every day now. Hope I can keep this up. :)

I love Care Corner Family Service Centre (Queenstown)!! HAHA :D

@10.07pm