Saturday, March 21, 2009

sigh feeling a bit smothered right now :| though i know it's love i can't help but feel a bit annoyed at being treated like a child, and at the reminiscing of the past in a bid to go back in time.. and i'm irritated and guilty about my irritation too. arghh. grrr. but it'll be ok.

...countdown to wkend: 0 days
Tuesday, March 17, 2009

heehee. i'm currently at one of the SDE seminar rooms with vonvon and her project group. we just had another lovers' meeting and it's been great! she had lunch, and i crashed the lecture again. and we stalked brian again. HAHA. :DD are we going to make this a weekly thing, vonk?? :D

now, i'm passing the time by reading monday's lecture notes on addiction. reading the characteristics of an addiction triggered my memory about how i read in 'why we love' that love is actually an addiction.. it affects the same part of the brain.

What constitutes an addiction?

salience - preoccupation. every second of the day, you are thinking about the next fix, planning or looking for it.

mood modification – has the effect of affecting mood. the addict feels euphoric when he consumes the substance in question. stopping will result in irritability, agitation or depression.

tolerance – over time, when it is being consumed, a tolerance is actually being developed. eg: alcohol tolerance.

withdrawal symptoms – physical and psychological dependence results in the manifestation of symptoms when the person tries to stop. the addict usually feels these adverse consequences.

intra- and inter-personal conflict -
intra: there is an awareness that there is a problem that is not accepted by society and help has to be sought, but at the same time, they are unable to control this. the addict will try to stop but cannot.
inter: likely to have effects on other people. for every addict, it is estimated that 17 other people will be negatively affected. this includes colleagues, family members, those in the helping profession who are guiding them through. there might be a loss of income and deterioration in family relationships.

relapse – this is one of the key features. some of the people who are already on the road to recovery may abstain from the substance abuse, but others will still remain prone to returning back to their original condition.

...countdown to wkend: 4 days
Sunday, March 15, 2009

i just finished reading 'The Road Less Travelled', and i think that it's going to change my life.

today was a much better day than yesterday.. i got the chance to talk to so many more people! of all ages. i met uncle gerrard, a very friendly and amiable warden, and also got more opportunities to talk to nick, daph, and rom. rom and i sat down to talk to uncle peter again.. and the conversation had the usual enlightening characteristic of all conversations with him. i asked uncle peter about the silent retreat which he had attended two weeks ago, and he shared about it.

he discovered during that period of reflection and meditation that the one relationship that is crucial is that with God - all others are just not as crucial, and are but subsets of that one relationship. i pondered upon this, and he asked me what i thought of it.. i've never seen things this way, but on closer examination, i realised that this is very much in line with what i've been thinking about. it really is comforting to be able to talk to someone about all this.

we discussed about the dangerous entrapment in society.. one that many fail to even see as entrapment. our parents' well-meaning hopes and dreams for us to be successful in life - to make enough money, to settle down nicely, to have children.. all these are good in themselves, except when the meaning in itself is lost. we fail to discover ourselves, what we want, and the purpose behind such action when everything is plotted out nicely for us. is it really what we want for ourselves? if we don't think this through properly and aimlessly follow what they want of us, neurosis may very well be the next thing that comes. this is not to say, however, that they in any way want to harm us at all. on the contrary, they do this because they believe that it is a manifestation of love.

uncle peter also talked about living in the present.. except that in his case, it is to prevent the past from dictating his actions and decisions, whereas i am trying to live in the present so as to let go of worrying in the future.
how beautiful it is that the greatest prayer of all - the Our Father - has this line in it:
"give us this day our daily bread";

Jesus Himself asks God the Father to give Him what is sufficient for daily sustenance. what faith and trust! there is a belief that God is greater than any fear we could possibly have about the unknown.

i'm getting a bit scared, because i'm starting to feel a tinge of loneliness. i wonder if i'll find anyone who will embark on such a journey with me.. if anyone will even come close to understanding.

...countdown to wkend: 0 days