Saturday, November 22, 2008

hmmm. my vivid imagination can really tear me up
fantasizing.. then falling back down painfully to the harsh ground of reality.
worrying.. then realising that it was unwarranted.
fearing.. when there's nothing to be afraid of, except myself.
tearing... even before anything bad happens. wasting the time i could have spent so much more productively mourning prematurely.

happiness and sadness.
is it really better to have loved than to never have loved before? even if that means avoidance of intense pain..? who ever said this? in what circumstances did he or she say it?
it's a gamble? an addiction? (scientifically? the physical base of the sensations that us creatures of experience feel?) dependence? dependence...
is it sadness that makes happiness that much more real to us?
can we shove misery aside without sacrificing joy consequently?

people who try to draw a distinct line between revenge and retribution don't really understand what revenge in its true nature is.. it's not the frenzied, mad revenge that we see on TV. (a passage on this interesting topic came out in the philo paper today.)
can we draw an analogy to the statement that it is is beter to have loved than to never have loved before? ah! i'm just spouting nonsense now. and who am i to talk about it? something that's merely a dream to me?
...

i fear getting emotionally attached.. as much as i would love to love the people around me unreservedly, in almost all circumstances, i don't have enough trust in everyone. all of you. myself. You. ..yet?

gosh. there are so many sides to me. i can't even figure myself out. i earnestly wonder if anyone would be able to.
*throwing my cares into the wind and reaching for the rainbow ------

...countdown to wkend: 0 days
Friday, November 21, 2008

i just slept my morning away and spent the entire afternoon (i consider it evening now - 7.03pm) playing pet society on facebook. ..... it's unbelievably addictive and i couldn't stop myself from playing until now. my sis has left the house to meet her dearie who's finally back for good.. mum's out too. so now, i'm alone in my room, reading my emails. eek. lonely. and all i have to accompany me.. are my philo results. :|

sigh. i got 19/25 for the final essay.. and that's a B+. if i treat 75% as an A, i would have to obtain 18.3/20 for the MCQ exam. partly thanks to the lousy grade i got for the blog posts. ... and that is getting me off facebook and onto my philo practice papers again.

goodbye, world of distractions! i'll only come back when i'm done!

...countdown to wkend: 1 day
Thursday, November 20, 2008

HAHA! mer just introduced me to pet society on facebook. and my pet's name is MONSTER. he's red and he has a red and yellow top. HE'S SO CUTE. HAHAHAHA.

sob. real monster's not studying with me tmr! :(

...countdown to wkend: 2 days
Wednesday, November 19, 2008

hahaha. just got home. spent the last 3 hours with my family.. decided to tag along with mer and mummy and we all headed over to woodlands for mer's violin class. :D 3 hours of back-and-forth for just a half-hour lesson.. and dinner. gosh. but hee. i haven't been around very much and we all miss each other. :D

several dumb things that happened to melissa elizabeth huang and jessica nicole huang. the huang pig pigs:

we were waiting for 963 to come and i randomly hit my leg twice. and the lights at the bus stop were turned on!! mer claims it was just because it was 7.00pm and everything was automated, but i beg to differ.

***

i was sitting directly behind mummy and mer on the bus. nudged mer's seat to see how she would react.. all she did was turn her head left. her lack of a reaction puzzled me so i continued nudging.... until i turned left too and realised that she was staring at me. through the half-mirror of the window. ohh mmy goodnesss. that was too freaky. too freaky....

***

we were at causeway point, going down the escalator. mer turned around and tried to look for me, but i managed to duck and hid behind the head of the person in front of me. hehehehe. take that, mer. :D

***

ok. i think i've just wasted about a minute of your life. i'm terribly sorry!

...countdown to wkend: 3 days
Monday, November 17, 2008

i only just realised that my supreme love for CSS will only result in more pain when the time comes to part.

how quickly this amazingly wonderful semester flew by! i don't want to think of how quickly the next one will pass too.. and when it does, i'll say goodbye to the wonderful year 4s that i love. and.. i'll step down from the most wonderful comm anyone could have been blessed with. i just cannot imagine not having to meet up as regularly with this fantastic group of people anymore. never before have i felt such instant chemistry with a team like this. the warmth and love is just overwhelming.

and in two years' time, i'll lose jem... des
and year 4 will be without von and nico

but right now, i'll have to deal with the prospect of not having eugene chan, the annoying and cocky commando, in 4 of my modules anymore. as much as i'd like to say otherwise (yea just to annoy you back :D), i am really sad about it. how upset i am about is surprising me too. as i've just told you. haha. and yeah, not just any annoying and cocky guy's gonna be able to replace you perfectly. it's been a great semester with your company, muggerman.

and i must give you credit for being the only person i know who's actually made a conscious effort to be less annoying to me when i got mad at how irritating you were. others would just intentionally be even more annoying just to get a reaction out of me or not care. but eugene chan started a be-nice-to-jess campaign. i have to tell you that that was really super nice and it seriously improved our friendship by leaps and bounds. i really appreciate it a lot. ^^

okay.. i'm going to be a lonely huang pig pig in sw.

...countdown to wkend: 4 days


monster is taking a nap now. hahahaha. :D

another interesting passage from my philo practice papers ^^

Like other tyrannies, the tyranny of the majority was at first, and is still vulgarly, held in dread, chiefly as operating through the acts of the public authorities. But reflecting persons perceived that when society is itself the tyrant – society collectively, over the separate individuals who compose it – its means of tyrannizing are not restricted to the acts which it may do by the hands of its political functionaries. Society can and does execute its own mandates: and if it issues wrong mandates instead of right, or any mandates at all in things with which it ought not to meddle, it practices a social tyranny more formidable than many kinds of political oppression, since, though not usually upheld by such extreme penalties, it leaves fewer means of escape, penetrating much more deeply into the details of life, and enslaving the soul itself.

Protection, therefore, against the tyranny of the magistrate is not enough; there needs protection also against the tyranny of the prevailing opinion and feeling; against the tendency of society to impose, by other means than civil penalties, its own ideas and practices as rules of conduct on those who dissent from them; to fetter the development, and, if possible, prevent the formation, of any individuality not in harmony with its ways, and compel all characters to fashion themselves upon the model of its own. There is a limit to the legitimate interference of collective opinion with individual independence; and to find that limit, and maintain it against encroachment, is as indispensable to a good condition of human affairs, as protection against political despotism.

...countdown to wkend: 5 days